I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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