How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
