Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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