At least make sure they are 18
Why
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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