My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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