It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize