People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
