So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just sucked dick on a ferry
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
