I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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