I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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