And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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