I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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