is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
