I will die if light touches me.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
