Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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