so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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