Duck Duck Cougar?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
