Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
there is glitter all over my balls
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
