just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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