So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
