I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
