I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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