a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My vagina is very pro this idea
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Dear god my vagina.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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