I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
