That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
