I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
