A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
