My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
