Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
