i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
