if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
