tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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