I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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