dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
