The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize