this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
