i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
