Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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