Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
