dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
