I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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