I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
