did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
