Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
