Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
