these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
