Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
