We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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