I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
