apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
