i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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