matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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