We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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