i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
