Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
