i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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