yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
