He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
