my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
