I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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