Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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